24 years have passed

knowing this is where i belong

but the past few days

i feel out of my skin.

All the sights & sounds

that gave me all the familiarity

are now mere snapshots

of exactly where i don’t want to be.

Maybe a flight will do me good

cure the restlessness in my thoughts

or perhaps i’d end up drowning

and all the search will just lead me back home.

Speak up for Peace
Picture originally uploaded by taniapaz
i believe in a grand masterpiece…
that everything in my life is happening for a reason…
for a greater good…
for at least one person
if not me, then there is a he or she that exists…

however insignificant my life is in the millions of souls
that roam the infinite gates of space and time…
i count.

And i do not seek answers and i gave up on asking questions…i only live to find
meaning…benefits…happiness…
temporary…permanent only in my memories and in others.

have a little more faith…
your life is nothing different…
your anxiety is the mirror of my restlessness…

i believe in a grand masterpiece…
that everything in your life is happening for a reason…
for a greater good… for at least one person
if not you, then maybe me…

i love having tons of pillows and stuffed stuff on my bed…the more clutter, the better! the less space to sleep in, the better! While others have blankies from their baby days or fishnets wrapped around their legs, i had my poohglet! Poohglet is my pet name for a pink cylindrical pillow with piglet as a design. It’s my favoritest pillow in the whole wide wolrd…I used to bring it to my apartment on weekdays and bring it back home on weekends and had sleepless nights missing it. Sleeping is not as good without my poohglet beside me…

A few minutes ago while trying to find more bathroom tissue (you see, i eat bathroom tissue…or at least that’s what my mom claims…hehe!), i was rummaging through the utility closet and you would not believe it but poohglet was in the utility closet. He was warpped in some clear plastic bag and poohglet was all tattered and torn. Out of i-dont-know-what-feeling, I took it out and gave it a hug (Sigh!)…It still reminded me of the feeling of being safe but no longer was it comfortable…no longer was it as pink as it was, it was now flat and the seams were open, cotton was showing up on the sides and yeech! it was dirty! (cotton is supposed to be white, right?). I put it back into the closet with a lingering question in my mind…how long has it been in the closet? how long has it been out of my bed?

Funny…but i simply could not remember when my mom took my poohglet to put away. And to think I always claimed, i could not bear proper sleep without it and cried my heart out when i left it at home… Isn’t it a crazy life? We outgrow things in our life everyday…most of the time, without us even realizing we already did. Things change. I change. And though, we’re a little bit sad to see our pasts in storage closets…we realize some things are just never meant to last, they’ve done their part & have given us gorgeous, comforatble nights (sounds dirty, huh?) and you know if u keep them near you know, the only thing they could give you is an asthma attack! haha!…

What a relief this whole experience is for me…you see,if i can sleep without poohglet then there is nothing that i cannot learn to live without (weeeeeeeeee! so optimistic!!!!)….And i take a look at my bed now, i notice the difference and I see what’s missing but i shrug, sleep in my bed these days has never been better!!!