It has always been said that women cut their hair when they are trying to calm their soul. A drastic haircut means that it marks a new beginning for her. Maybe the apparent lack of sleep due to all the pesky mosquitoes sinking their teeth into my pangmayaman skin had me thinking of all these psychological notions.
Since I have been in hibernation for quite some time, let me tell you that I recently cut my hair. I chopped off 3/4 the length of it. Think of my hair during training days (which was 4 years ago) minus the extreme waves (thanks to 4-digit rebonding I do semi-annually!). Now the question that I am asking myself is whether I did it to signify a change?
Hahaha. This is me laughing because most people would psychologically/emotionally realize they want a change first before they actually create a physical change on them…and here I am doing the exact opposite. Sometimes I think my life is just plain too scattered…;P If anyone would ask why I did it, I would answer because of the f*@CK!n heat (which is 99% the reason) and because I want to look different.
Hahaha. This is me laughing again because I suddenly realized why I like blogging…because it allows me to challenge the normalcy of my thoughts and then I come up with interesting answers. Back to topic….So there! it’s finally out in the open. I want to look different. I want things to be different. I’ve been stuck in this vacuum flask called work for the last 4 years and was honestly blinded by the money I was earning because I am threathened by the idea that the world stops without luxury.
Do not get me wrong…I still desperately want a job to support the silly lifestyle I created for myself. My car, the shopping sprees, end-of-the-week spa treatments, phones, laptops and a lot of extra moolah in my wallet. ;P But this time, I want to earn money because I enjoyed earning it. For the past 2 years, earning money was a daily war for me and I spent because I felt I need to compensate me for all the sh%^*ty things I need to put up with.
I’ve had a good run the last four years (four promotions within 4 years is no easy feat) but I was afraid that I was not going to make it anywhere else. So I stayed even if I hated it most of the time. “The only thing good was the pay” is a phrase that I said on my exit interview and is something that you will still constantly hear from me. Sadly, I ended up infatuated and not really in love with my work.
So what do I want to do for the rest of my life?
Hahaha. This is me laughing because after all this introspection, I would end up with a conclusion that I still do not know the next steps. I took a plunge when I quit my job thinking I would soon hit the ground…but surprise! surprise!…I found myself jumping from another cliff.
As of 7 am on June 16 of 2008, the only thing that is clear for me is that I refuse to be a zombie. I live my life once and it will not be wasted on my fears. I will celebrate my options and if I have none left, I will pave a way to create some more.
Hahaha. Words of a dreamer… I will see how far I can go before I succumbed again. Hopefully never….or at least not soon.