ambisyon 2010


April 7 was atypical of my Friday nights. For the first time since I was a regular student, I found myself in the familiar insides of the UP Film Institute. I had heard about Ambisyon 2010 in a news segment while facebooking my evening away and though I have often been only present in outskirts of social awareness, I had the familiar inclination of wanting to be involved, to participate and once again, be inspired to part of a society that wants to make a difference.

The project was a collection of 20 short films, running at four to eight minutes in length and directed by brilliant indie filmmakers. Hats off to Paolo Villaluna, Ditsi Carolina, Emmanuel Dela Cruz, Kiri Dalena, Henry Frejas, Jeffrey Jeturian, Jade Castro, Jim Libiran, Erik Matti, Brillante Mendoza, Ellen Ramos, John Red, Raymond Red, Jerrold Tarog, John Torres, Paolo Villaluna, Sunshine Matutina, Pam Miras, Aissa Penafiel, Emerson Reyes, Gym Lumbera and McRobert Nacario.

“Ganito tayo ngayon, Paano na tayo bukas?” was directed by Jeffrey Jeturian and is the sole film that received an X-rating from the MTRCB. The ridiculous “Censorship High Court of the Philippines” claimed that the film undermines the faith and confidence of the people in government. What is there to undermine anyway? The current administration has successfully lost the faith and confidence of the Filipino people a long time ago!

“Ayos Ka” by Brillante Mendoza initially also had an X-rating but it was lowered down to an R-rating after a re-review. MTRCB said that this film was injurious to the prestige of the Republic of the Philippines and its people. Was this film injurious to the prestige of the Republic because it showed a part of the Philippines that they would rather ignore? I think it is more disgraceful that we have such hypocrites running important offices in our country.

Except for the opening part, the majority of Kiri Dalena’s “Requiem for M” only showed images but it conveyed a very strong message. It tackled the Maguindanao Massacre and was the heaviest of all the films I saw that night. Kiri said that “Even if you believe you can’t achieve justice, you still have to keep telling the story” and she did it well because that night, I and the whole world listened.

Of all the 20 films, I cried my heart out with Ditsi Carolino’s Lupang Hinirang. She showed the plight of the Sumilao farmers to fight for their 144-hectares of land and re-reminded all of us that despite the 20-years of agrarian reform in the country, we still have thousands of farmers who are still fighting for land that should have been given to to them decades ago. This film had made me realize how much we fail a lot of our countrymen. I have time and again complained about people from the provinces trying their luck and squatting all over metro manila. In my mind, these people are disillusioned and unpersevering… and then I realized what chance did they have when they have nothing but empty promises?

Each of the 20 films have their own statements and though I may not agree with all of them, each had enlightened me to not waste my vote, to live each day supporting at least one cause, and to never forget.

To know more about each short film, read on at  http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/nation/04/10/10/how-earn-x-rating-and-other-lessons-ambisyon-2010

I will end this post by borrowing a line from the project itself and hopefully, like me, you will also be searching for your own answer.

amBisyon2010 brings together the dreams of a nation—and the possibility of change.
Ikaw, ano ang ambisyon mo?

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on edge


24 years have passed

knowing this is where i belong

but the past few days

i feel out of my skin.

All the sights & sounds

that gave me all the familiarity

are now mere snapshots

of exactly where i don’t want to be.

Maybe a flight will do me good

cure the restlessness in my thoughts

or perhaps i’d end up drowning

and all the search will just lead me back home.

Speak up


Speak up for Peace
Picture originally uploaded by taniapaz
i believe in a grand masterpiece…
that everything in my life is happening for a reason…
for a greater good…
for at least one person
if not me, then there is a he or she that exists…

however insignificant my life is in the millions of souls
that roam the infinite gates of space and time…
i count.

And i do not seek answers and i gave up on asking questions…i only live to find
meaning…benefits…happiness…
temporary…permanent only in my memories and in others.

have a little more faith…
your life is nothing different…
your anxiety is the mirror of my restlessness…

i believe in a grand masterpiece…
that everything in your life is happening for a reason…
for a greater good… for at least one person
if not you, then maybe me…

The group is about supporting Lebanon and raising awareness about the war that is occurring there.
Take the time to reflect upon the issue.
What if a bomb came in through your window one day… Wouldn’t you want someone to speak up if you couldn’t?

on not-so-favorite pillows after all….


i love having tons of pillows and stuffed stuff on my bed…the more clutter, the better! the less space to sleep in, the better! While others have blankies from their baby days or fishnets wrapped around their legs, i had my poohglet! Poohglet is my pet name for a pink cylindrical pillow with piglet as a design. It’s my favoritest pillow in the whole wide wolrd…I used to bring it to my apartment on weekdays and bring it back home on weekends and had sleepless nights missing it. Sleeping is not as good without my poohglet beside me…

A few minutes ago while trying to find more bathroom tissue (you see, i eat bathroom tissue…or at least that’s what my mom claims…hehe!), i was rummaging through the utility closet and you would not believe it but poohglet was in the utility closet. He was warpped in some clear plastic bag and poohglet was all tattered and torn. Out of i-dont-know-what-feeling, I took it out and gave it a hug (Sigh!)…It still reminded me of the feeling of being safe but no longer was it comfortable…no longer was it as pink as it was, it was now flat and the seams were open, cotton was showing up on the sides and yeech! it was dirty! (cotton is supposed to be white, right?). I put it back into the closet with a lingering question in my mind…how long has it been in the closet? how long has it been out of my bed?

Funny…but i simply could not remember when my mom took my poohglet to put away. And to think I always claimed, i could not bear proper sleep without it and cried my heart out when i left it at home… Isn’t it a crazy life? We outgrow things in our life everyday…most of the time, without us even realizing we already did. Things change. I change. And though, we’re a little bit sad to see our pasts in storage closets…we realize some things are just never meant to last, they’ve done their part & have given us gorgeous, comforatble nights (sounds dirty, huh?) and you know if u keep them near you know, the only thing they could give you is an asthma attack! haha!…

What a relief this whole experience is for me…you see,if i can sleep without poohglet then there is nothing that i cannot learn to live without (weeeeeeeeee! so optimistic!!!!)….And i take a look at my bed now, i notice the difference and I see what’s missing but i shrug, sleep in my bed these days has never been better!!!