Yay Holiday!

We’re going on a 2-week vacation! I’ve never been on one that’s for this long (5 days max is my longest one) so I am psyched about 14 days of no work and all play!

We booked our Manila-Sydney return trip last March via Cebu Pacific during one of it’s fare sales. Our flight was a steal and cost only about 9k per person (inclusive of baggage but no meals). The plane ride isn’t going to be as fun since we won’t have entertainment, free drinks, and 2 meal services on the flight but who am I to complain when it’s only 25% of the cost of a full-service flight. We choose a 12mn departure and plan to just sleep the whole 8-hour nonstop flight. Nice dinner before the flight would also be so much better than airline food.

Just last week, we thought a few days to see other places in Australia sounds like a plan so we booked a SYD-MEL side trip. Thanks to Jetstar’s Price Beat Guarantee, we booked our last minute domestic flights for only AUD 100 per person. Because last minute accomodations are also pricey, we decided to try airbnb for the 1st time. We choose a 10th floor 1-br apartment in the CBD that had amazing pictures, can’t wait to see and review the place.

****Work in progress***

Day 285

We’ve been on the journey of battling PCOS for almost 2 years now, intermittently on the first year and religiously for the past 4 months. Despite having a number of people understand what we’re going through, there’s still a greater majority that don’t fully grasp the physical, emotional, and psychological impacts of it. There is still little sympathy and a lot more of insensitive comments.

Day 285 is one of those low days. Our doctor recommended we go through artificial insemination through IUI, the procedure isn’t cheap (though nowhere near as expensive as IVF) and it was a bit uncomfortable (not something I would look forward to repeating). Of course, we had high hopes.

That 30 seconds when you realize that you’ve gotten your period is devastating. It makes you fearful of the future, makes you feel like a failure, makes you doubt your value as a wife — it’s something I’ve gone through monthly within the last 6 months and something I go through alone. 30 seconds of utter heartbreak.

But because the world didn’t stop, you pick yourself up and shake it off. You make that phone call to the husband and comfort each other, you trust that he will love you no matter what. You say that short prayer of forgiveness for despairing, of strength to get through another setback, and of faith to keep on believing that your dreams will happen in his perfect time. You go through the normal requirements of your day despite dysmenorrhea reminding you of what you don’t have yet. You keep that smile on your face and silently crave your bedroom so you can cry for a few minutes. You think of how else can you eat healthier or how much more exercise you should pack in your day. Like clockwork, you go back to that doctor’s office and go through it again with as much hope as you can muster.

Day 165

I am absolutely miserable. No one would probably know how much but me.

Perhaps it wasn’t really a surprise, I was already taking steps for it not to happen but maybe I wasn’t fast enough or urgent enough or sensitive enough. Now that it’s done, there might not even be any benefit of trying to figure out what could have been.

At my core, I am shattered and broken… to pieces, to shreds, to tiny grains and specks. And most of the time I keep it together, I smile and laugh and am courageously moving forward. Yet the night haunts me, it is mostly when I am nearest that I feel most alone.

Day 57

Talking is not overrated. Do it before sending those emails. It just works much, much better!

Kindness is not overrated. Small gestures of contributing Php100, walking to a store in heels, floating an idea, and eating cake together can built strong relationships.

Measured doses of self-confidence is not overrated. Yes, you can fail but what if you don’t? Just work smart enough and pray harder.

It could be really simple

A life that let’s you live without regret. You get to laugh a lot or at least smile a lot.

A life that lets you experience more than what you’ve hoped for. That you don’t willingly hurt others and the situation doesn’t lead you to hurt them unwillingly.

And when you make mistakes, others can forgive you and you can forgive yourself too.

It’s really simple, you know.